Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
