I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
