Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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