I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
