my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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