Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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