you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
