Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
should my penis look like a turkey
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
