we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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