Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
