we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
