my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
