We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
