"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
