It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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