this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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