Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
