it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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