Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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