Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
