it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
