I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
