I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
