I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
