there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
