hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
