Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
