it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
