ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
