remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
