I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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