Nicole vs. Life
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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