We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
