Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
