the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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