On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
