Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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