Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
