Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
