Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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