god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
