I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
