you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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