i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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