meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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