shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
