i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
