there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
