I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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