Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
