When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
