i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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